


lilac sky

by Beyond_the_Grace



Series: kindness blooms [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Evan Rosier Centric, M/M, Pre-Canon, Rare Characters, Rare Pairings, intentionally lowercase, this is the hipster of fanfics tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28341129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beyond_the_Grace/pseuds/Beyond_the_Grace
Summary: the tragic tale of two boys in love and how they learn to live with themselves in spite of this.can be read as a stand alone
Relationships: Bartemius Crouch Jr. & Evan Rosier, Bartemius Crouch Jr. & Regulus Black & Evan Rosier, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/Evan Rosier
Series: kindness blooms [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773583
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84
Collections: ariana's hp fic collection





	lilac sky

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote most of this listening to the mountain goats album 'the sunset tree'.  
> i do quite think that this year is a good reflection of regulus, his life is about trying to get through it for a long time.

evan was pretty sure his heart stopped when he first saw regulus black. he was eleven years old and he didn't actually know what love was yet but whatever it was he was pretty sure he felt it for the boy with pale skin and deep dark eyes. this was it. this was the person he would die for one day. he knew that at a glance. he ran a hand through his hair and approached.

"evan rosier." he introduced and saw that the eyes he had assumed were brown were grey but so dark. they lit up as the boy looked up.

"regulus black." his voice was molasses. it was rich and sweet, evan cared not for poetry but if this boy read him epics he would be a scholar. "care to sit with me?"

the next thing evan learned of regulus was his darkness. it felt like relief. this boy was not something pure for evan to break like he had assumed. this boy could handle life in all its darkness. this was not a pretty china doll, this was a real boy. people hadn't been real in so long.

it took evan too long to realise that regulus had a brother. sirius was far more masculine than his brother but he was honestly not that different. sirius black told himself that his cruel pranks were justice; regulus just knew it was fun. the two played at enemies for half the time but evan knew better. regulus had such a depth for love and his brother was just as full of passion. this love would be the death of evan and he knew it.

it was second year he felt both hope and heartbreak. he began to notice that regulus's old looks at his brother became lingering looks at james potter. perfect james potter with his messy hair and hair potion inheritance. james potter had been so spoilt by the universe and still thought it owed him more. they were all boys of the silver spoon but most of them had been hit with it, james had been fed love and affection instead. two older parents with a blessed miracle child. evan had always viewed them as above him for it but he watched as regulus was drew into the boys magnetism. it hurt. regulus owned him. regulus had all of him but regulus watched the older gryffindor with lingering stares as if it wasn't james potter's fault that regulus had no brother anymore. at first that is all evan thought the looks were, perhaps regulus was looking for what made james more than him to sirius.

perhaps he'd found it.

evan rosier would always belong to regulus black. the question was never if he'd be able to stay around for the boy. the question was never how far he'd go for him. the question was if regulus would ever notice how much of him he owned, how absolutely evan belonged to regulus alone. somewhere in all his mania and rage he had found the last scraps of his heart and stitched them together. and in this stitching was regulus.

evan knew he couldn't love normally. he knew he was a bit too much and not enough and just flat out wrong. if he's parents couldn't love him then who the hell could?

but sometimes when he woke regulus with some ridiculous quest he'd shrug on a robe and they'd explore, and sometimes regulus would drag him into his own bed and hiss at him to _go the fuck to sleep you psycho, we have class tomorrow_ , and regulus always knew which he really needed. when bees crawled and buzzed under his skin and he was trying so hard not to rip it off then regulus would take him to the astronomy tower the long way and he'd point out each star as if it was a prayer and he'd tell the myth behind each constellation like this wasn't sixth year astronomy. on the days when evan just wanted to out run the nightmares and the screaming voice that told him how alone he was regulus wouldn't let him. he'd force him to sleep with the weight of the other boy beside him and he never asked which it was. he knew even when evan didn't.

forth year saw them become something more.

it could never be real. sirius black had left regulus that summer and now people would care who regulus married. before he could have been the eccentric uncle dying alone with a good friend as a house guest. now he had the pressure of the right woman and the right kids that he'd never have to care for. sirius black had damned his brother and evan had never hated someone so much, he burnt with the hatred but got grim satisfaction that regulus never looked james's way anymore. it hurt him too much now.

"i begged him to stay." regulus confessed in the dark of the night and evan felt the hatred like lead poisoning. "he wouldn't look me in the eyes."

"for a gryffindor he has no bravery."

"he said he loved me. if he loved me he wouldn't have left me alone with her."

that had always been the issue. her. one woman had ripped a family apart like it was nothing. one son so self assured that he only spoke in screams. another who wanted quiet so bad that there was no compromise he wouldn't make. evan may have belonged to regulus but regulus would be the good son before he would be anything else. evan didn't know what else to do.

he kissed him softly.

it felt like falling apart.

* * *

barty was just a friend. an annoying ravenclaw boy who had craved some darkness and evan had always been willing to give it. regulus loved art and beauty and the softer side of being a pureblood and as much as evan loved regulus he couldn't live like that. so barty and he'd go out and be less refined than when they were with regulus. this wasn't to say regulus was not dark, regulus had a darkness far deeper than even evan but it was tied up with the family madness so regulus practiced restraint. regulus let people think he was too soft but evan knew half the fun for regulus was seeing what he could do without getting caught.

barty let him be more impulsive. barty and he would spend weekends in detention and teachers would try to figure out if evan had made regulus take part too. too many people thought evan had the power in their trio. teachers who didn't mind slytherin looked at regulus and barty in pity for their crazy ringleader who made two smart soft boys so such horror. evan never was in charge. regulus was always the leader of their trio but when it was just evan and barty things were always different. barty was more sadistic than evan but they fed off eachother. they were never as cruel as the marauders but their punishments were harsher because everyone knew slytherin was so dark.

barty was often jealous though. as much as evan never wanted to admit barty's cruelty went further than his own and manifested in ways that were damaging to all of them and not just those he didn't like.

evan wasn't an eavesdropper. he always felt it was childish but when he heard barty and regulus speaking he couldn't help it.

"i know your secret."

"i don't have any secrets."

"bullshit. you love evan."

"someone had to."

evan pretended he didn't cry himself to sleep last night. he ignored the way his heart felt heavy that whole day. the next day he held regulus a little tighter and ignored the guilt in his chest.

evan rosier was fifteen years old and being loved for the first time.

evan rosier was sixteen years old and swore loyalty to a monster for love.

when he was seventeen he and regulus spent the night in muggle london. they went on a pub crawl and confunded anyone who didn't want to let them in. they spent the night like kings, like the boys they could have been as a war waged on. they drank and drank and sung and scream and cried and as the sun came up they fell into bed. in the sweetness on their bliss and in the knowledge of his own morality evan finally told regulus.

"i am yours, i will always be yours."

he pretended not to see the guilt in regulus's eyes. he couldn't break his own heart for this boy, not again.

* * *

at eighteen they shared a flat and told their parents it was just for some independence.

at eighteen regulus left one night and never came back.

evan waited up all night and tried to convince himself that he was just tied up doing work for the dark lord. he couldn't take his eyes off the door and tried not to think about why people don't come back.

evan waited all week. he checked the newspaper every day and hoped to see regulus in the arrests. he hoped every day that regulus had just been caught. they'd never kill sirius black's brother.

evan went out after the first month. he went to a bar in liverpool and tried not to think. he went out, took himself out, he didn't think. he didn't think how the blond muggle he picked up was wrong. that blond hair and green eyes made him see his mother in the face of this muggle. that this wasn't him so it didn't matter who it was. he lay under the wrong man and he thought things he knew were never true. and he tried to not think about how much he wished he could just leave the war. he knew that he was on the wrong side. he knew that regulus knew they were on the wrong side but it was the side regulus had chosen. how could it be the wrong side if it was theirs?

the dark lord ordered a raid on the mckinnons. evan thought it was regulus at first. a man with black hair and the palest skin was ripping through the ranks with no care for his safety but with all the grace of an artist. hate burned as sirius faced him. they stared and both looked in question. sirius shook his head and evan did the same. they apparated at the same time.

evan let his flat burn.

there was no home to be had there. there was no home anywhere when his lover was dead.

there was no light left. no heat. no passion. if he walked into the blazes now he'd ignite like kindling. he was a person anymore, just paper. evan was a hollow boy with nothing left, just a shell to be used up and tossed away like the empty thing he had been before regulus.

he had been living for so long and now he was dead again and he didn't know what to do. barty was crazy and his parents hadn't spoken to him since he was twelve and reg-

regulus was dead.

regulus was dead

dead. regulus.

no

how

regulus

was

_everythingalivesomuchlifeeverythingthatmattered_

gone. 

* * *

"where's your boyfriend now?" moody. evan barely recognised the voice or the tone. moody wasn't supposed to be there, they were going for the prewitts not moody.

"say that again." evan replied. his voice sounded dead to his own ears.

"oh, he has a heart! where was that when you were dangling little lucy fairchild out of ravenclaw tower?"

"repeat what you said old man." evan demanded.

"where is regulus black?" evan ignored the hint of sincerity in the question.

"i'm going to kill you, just like i did fabian prewitt. and i'll enjoy it so much."

he knew he got a few good hits in. an arm detatched from a body. that wasn't his arm. an eye popped terribly. it wasn't his eye.

it was his blood streaming down. it was him left alone.

"letty!" evan called out and his elf appeared. she went to heal him. "no, take my case. take the case in my room. take it to-take it to the goblins. it's about time i got my affairs in or-order huh?"

"please sirs, let letty heal you."

"no letty, no." evan whispered and tried not to sob. "go."

evan rosier was eighteen years old, a month shy of nineteen. evan rosier had lived for only seven years but they had been seven years well lived. he'd died three months before his death. he'd died waiting up for the only one he'd learnt to love. he'd died hoping that regulus black would just walk through that door. he'd burnt down the door. he'd left it all behind and he'd let an auror kill him. no one had tried to stop the bleeding. 

evan rosier let death take him, he breathed out in relief.

death took his hand and ran a hand through his brown hair, shut his hazel eyes and led him on to the other side.

**Author's Note:**

> i was not expecting to post this so quick but inspiration hit like a brick.


End file.
